Sexting – What is it?

If you own a smartphone you’ve probably heard of sexting. It’s when you send or receive a message or image that has sexual content like a nude picture, sexy words or a video.

In 2019, the Sydney Morning Herald reported that in Australia, 38 per cent of people aged 13 to 15 years, 50 per cent of 16 to 18-year-olds and 59 per cent of those aged over 19 years said they had sent a sexual picture or video (according to data from a survey conducted by the University of Sydney of more than 2200 people). Additionally, 62 per cent of 13 to 15-year-olds, 70 per cent of 16 to 18-year-olds and 68 per cent of those aged over 19 said they had received a sexual picture or video.

Just because ages under 13 were not mentioned, does not mean that ‘sexting’ is not being seen in primary schools. As children are spending more time connected online, and sometimes feeling more isolated due to the current pandemic, practices such as sexting are beginning to occur more amongst our primary aged students.

What are the risks?
Sharing intimate images may seem like a bit of fun or innocent flirting for young people, particularly those in a relationship. But things can go wrong and it is important your child understands this. 

1. The child loses control of the image

• Once an image is shared, it can be copied and saved by others, shared with people the sender does not know and posted on social media and public websites. 
• Images can be extremely difficult to remove and the consequences can follow a young person into adulthood.

2. Things can go wrong even in a trusted relationship or friendship

• A friend or partner may, on impulse and without thinking, share an image more broadly than the sender intended. 
• Sometimes when a relationship breaks down there may be an intent to humiliate an ex-partner or friend. This is image-based abuse.

3. Images may not always be sent willingly 

• Young people may be forced or pressured into sending explicit images or videos. 
• Even young people who know each other may experience coercion or pressure to send a nude. 
• Sometimes sexting can lead to ‘sextortion’ — blackmail with a sexual component — when someone threatens to share an intimate image unless the person in the image pays money or gives into their demands. 

The consequences can be serious

For young people, sharing naked or sexually explicit images might result in:

• Humiliation, guilt, shame, anger and self-blame — which can lead to ongoing emotional distress, withdrawal from school and family life and in severe cases, self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
• Bullying, teasing and harassment from peers — they may experience bullying, including cyberbullying, if photos are shared around their school community or friendship group.
• Damage to their reputation — it may impact on their reputation and performance at school, as well as employment opportunities in the future
• Criminal charges and penalties — it can be a crime when it involves asking for, accessing, creating, possessing and/or sharing sexualised images of people under 18.

How can I minimise the risks to my child?

1.       Talk early, talk often

Match your approach to your child’s level of maturity, age and the type of relationship you share with them. Maybe take the opportunity for a chat while you are doing something together, like a long walk or a car trip.

You could start from a real life story in the media or from their school or community, asking questions like: Do you think it was right for her to share that photo after they broke up? Do you think it was right for him to post that video online of his friend with a girl? 

Explore what their friends think about sharing nudes. Ask what they think might happen if one of their friend’s nudes went viral, and how it might make their friend feel.

Let them know that they can always approach you if they feel pressured to share an image of themselves or if they have shared an image of someone else. Let them know that you will support them.

Check out the advice on having hard-to-have conversations with your child on the eSafety Commissioner website - https://www.esafety.gov.au/parents/skills-advice/hard-to-have-conversations

2.       Promote self-confidence and that it is OK to say ‘no'

Explain that they do not have to send intimate images just because others do.

Let them know that it is OK to say ‘no’ when someone asks for an intimate photo, even if it is their boyfriend or girlfriend or someone they trust. Respecting their bodies and personal values is important.

Talk about ways your child can handle a request for a nude photo. If the unwanted requests continue, encourage your child to reply with a stern ‘no’.  But if things get aggressive, your child should consider blocking the person and seek support from a trusted adult. It is also a good idea to save screenshots of any abusive or threatening message in case you want to report them later on.

3.       Teach them about consent, personal boundaries and respect for self and others

Help them understand the impact of sharing images of others and that they are breaking someone’s trust when they do this without their consent.

Talk about what healthy and respectful relationships look like. Mutual respect, trust and consent are important. 

Pressure from a boyfriend or girlfriend to share an intimate image is not an example of a respectful relationship.

4.       Talk about the risks — what can go wrong, and the legal issues 

Remind them that once an image is shared, it is almost impossible to get it back or control how it is shared. 

Point out that images which include identifiable features, such as a person’s face, hair, tattoos, distinctive clothing or jewellery, can carry a higher risk. It may also be possible to identify someone by matching the background of the image to the background of their public profile pic.

Help them understand that viewing or sending intimate images can carry the risk of committing a crime, even if the image has been willingly shared.

Further information about this issue and support for both parents and children can be found on:

• eSafety Commissioner website https://www.esafety.gov.au/
• Kids HelpLine https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens/issues/sexting