Dear Parents and Carers,

I find myself often chatting with parents and carers about how to support their child when they are stressed and anxious. Just like in adults, when a child is stressed, a fight-or-flight response kicks in, producing higher heart rate, breathing and blood pressure, along with clinging, shaking, hiding, screaming, acting out, running away and sometimes nausea. Because a child has not yet learnt the adult coping skills, it’s extremely difficult – if not impossible – for children to think logically or control their behaviour until the fight-or-flight response has dissipated and that can take up to an hour. Below are some strategies we can teach children to use when they are feeling stressed and anxious.

Take deep breaths Anxiety is often accompanied by rapid, shallow chest breathing. Inhaling for three seconds from the abdomen, holding it for three seconds and exhaling through pursed lips for three seconds can lower the heart rate and induce relaxation.

Get active Physically demanding tasks like wall push-ups, walking up the stairs or climbing a jungle gym can help calm and centre a child.

Make a plan Taking specific actions can help children understand and tolerate stress.

Use rituals These can be stability anchors that relieve stress if they’re rolled out before, during, or after, anxiety-producing events – for example, always taking a child out for ice cream after a doctor’s appointment.

Name it to tame it Children can be asked to tell a story about what they are worried or upset about and why.

Narrow the focus Meditating, colouring or focusing on a specific feeling, activity, sight or conversation can produce relaxation.

Laugh Humour can distract, reframe, relax muscles and release endorphins. Try playing a goofy game, watching a cartoon or telling family jokes.

Reflect After dealing successfully with a fraught episode, walk the child through what worked: On a scale of 1 to 10, how hard was it? What is one thing that helped you get through it?

(Acknowledgement: “8 Simple Ways to Soothe an Anxious Child” by Erin Leyba in Psychology Today, May/June 2020)

God bless.

Rachel Smith
Principal